“ Groom Wanted for slim fair educated 26 year old Brahmin girl. Father of the groom should own house in Kolkata.”
A matrimonial ad screamed on a cheerful Sunday morning. Notwithstanding the fact that Sundays are always cheerful I was a little startled. “ Father of the groom should own house in Kolkata”??? What the world is coming to and what if the son does not stay with his father? Doesn’t matter ….if our little Brahmin girl is driven to the streets she can always proudly proclaim with a placard that her ‘father in law’ owns a house.
Just a few thoughts on how “groom/bride searching”, a once most cherished phase of middle class Bengali parents’ lives have traversed a long way over the decade of changes that have shown its heads in the society.
When my maternal uncle got married to my aunt in the mid 80s guess what inspired my aunt’s father to take the final call? A staunch North Calcuttan that he was, inspired by an antique glass lamp at the groom’s place announced, “a house which can have this has to be good.” His only daughter’s marriage being decided by the presence of an antique lamp… Bizarre!!!
Jump cut to 2005. My cousin’s family was searching for a groom. She, a bright lawyer by profession, was one of those typically “good” girls, much unlike us, who would prefer a spouse with pious, religious mindset. The 'would be groom' whom my cousin’s parent found very interesting owns a “ bhrigu samhita” weighing 12 kgs. Before any talks could proceed, this 36 year old lawyer made a statement that he expects his wife to wipe the floor of his deity room and that a couple of hours in the morning and evening are devoted by him to religious rites everyday. Thanks to my 90 year old grandma, (who again is a hardcore religious conservative widow), that this marriage didn’t work out because, she a taciturn woman by nature, observed “ if this frenzied person is only engaged in worshipping for 1/3 part of the day, when does he get time to earn or lead a family life?”
Another groom wanted hemoglobin reports of the bride because she was thin. Are we still living in the 21st century?
Another side of the continuum saw this young working lady in Mumbai trying to arrange her own marriage through shaadi.com. This young man in chrome yellow cheque shirt a pair of light brown trousers, with a set of ogling eyes and bulging tummy asked his first question: “ Hubbies?” It took quite a while for this young lady to figure out that he meant “hobbies”. But before this realization dawned upon her she had already footed her part of the coffee bill and walked out.
My friend’s parents in Kolkata were frantically looking for an eligible bachelor for their only daughter. 3 sets of groom and their families arrived at their apartment on consecutive Sundays.
1st set: Entry of a dark fat bengalee with his old parents. Profession? No prize for guessing. Software engineer. Most grooms are so.
My friend’s father: Why don’t you take him inside? You two can have a chat.
My friend grits her teeth. Nevertheless they proceed towards her room.
Potential grrroom: you have boyfriends?
My friend (startled at the first question): yeah many. Friends who are boys.
Potential groom: (2nd question): My wife should love mountains. And she should be able to travel in sleeper class without reservation. My whole family does so.
My friend: Oh ok
Potential groom: I love trekking. Mountains and hills are my favorite.
My friend (slightly seeing a ray of hope): oh that’s great. So do you have a trekking group , or friends to go with ?
Potential Grrroom: No No (in a typical bengali accent). I go for trekking with my parents.
The second groom rattled on that he owns a blackberry and laptop, and doesn’t like spending time with friends and blah… blah.. His only hobby… watching movies. Frequency .. once a month ..alone and he likes it that way.
The third set I refrain myself from elaborating.
Finding a spouse nowadays is definitely tougher than searching for a house in Mumbai.
With all these it makes me wonder whether Nostradamus’s prediction is finally coming true: “ Out of every 4 people on earth, one will become insane.
A matrimonial ad screamed on a cheerful Sunday morning. Notwithstanding the fact that Sundays are always cheerful I was a little startled. “ Father of the groom should own house in Kolkata”??? What the world is coming to and what if the son does not stay with his father? Doesn’t matter ….if our little Brahmin girl is driven to the streets she can always proudly proclaim with a placard that her ‘father in law’ owns a house.
Just a few thoughts on how “groom/bride searching”, a once most cherished phase of middle class Bengali parents’ lives have traversed a long way over the decade of changes that have shown its heads in the society.
When my maternal uncle got married to my aunt in the mid 80s guess what inspired my aunt’s father to take the final call? A staunch North Calcuttan that he was, inspired by an antique glass lamp at the groom’s place announced, “a house which can have this has to be good.” His only daughter’s marriage being decided by the presence of an antique lamp… Bizarre!!!
Jump cut to 2005. My cousin’s family was searching for a groom. She, a bright lawyer by profession, was one of those typically “good” girls, much unlike us, who would prefer a spouse with pious, religious mindset. The 'would be groom' whom my cousin’s parent found very interesting owns a “ bhrigu samhita” weighing 12 kgs. Before any talks could proceed, this 36 year old lawyer made a statement that he expects his wife to wipe the floor of his deity room and that a couple of hours in the morning and evening are devoted by him to religious rites everyday. Thanks to my 90 year old grandma, (who again is a hardcore religious conservative widow), that this marriage didn’t work out because, she a taciturn woman by nature, observed “ if this frenzied person is only engaged in worshipping for 1/3 part of the day, when does he get time to earn or lead a family life?”
Another groom wanted hemoglobin reports of the bride because she was thin. Are we still living in the 21st century?
Another side of the continuum saw this young working lady in Mumbai trying to arrange her own marriage through shaadi.com. This young man in chrome yellow cheque shirt a pair of light brown trousers, with a set of ogling eyes and bulging tummy asked his first question: “ Hubbies?” It took quite a while for this young lady to figure out that he meant “hobbies”. But before this realization dawned upon her she had already footed her part of the coffee bill and walked out.
My friend’s parents in Kolkata were frantically looking for an eligible bachelor for their only daughter. 3 sets of groom and their families arrived at their apartment on consecutive Sundays.
1st set: Entry of a dark fat bengalee with his old parents. Profession? No prize for guessing. Software engineer. Most grooms are so.
My friend’s father: Why don’t you take him inside? You two can have a chat.
My friend grits her teeth. Nevertheless they proceed towards her room.
Potential grrroom: you have boyfriends?
My friend (startled at the first question): yeah many. Friends who are boys.
Potential groom: (2nd question): My wife should love mountains. And she should be able to travel in sleeper class without reservation. My whole family does so.
My friend: Oh ok
Potential groom: I love trekking. Mountains and hills are my favorite.
My friend (slightly seeing a ray of hope): oh that’s great. So do you have a trekking group , or friends to go with ?
Potential Grrroom: No No (in a typical bengali accent). I go for trekking with my parents.
The second groom rattled on that he owns a blackberry and laptop, and doesn’t like spending time with friends and blah… blah.. His only hobby… watching movies. Frequency .. once a month ..alone and he likes it that way.
The third set I refrain myself from elaborating.
Finding a spouse nowadays is definitely tougher than searching for a house in Mumbai.
With all these it makes me wonder whether Nostradamus’s prediction is finally coming true: “ Out of every 4 people on earth, one will become insane.
2 comments:
well dunn diya....
except for the part of the fat tummied men......have mercy......
Good ones Trina..
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